A Boudoir Shoot. My Experience and Why It Can Help You With Self-Worth
Have you been curious about doing a boudoir photo shoot? But not sure if it is right for you or how to choose the right photographer? Read on for my experience and advice on choosing the right shoot for you!
Yes, that’s me! One of my favorite photos from the boudoir photo shoot.
Standing there running my hands over the lingerie, dropping my clothes and sliding on the first piece, I really started to struggle. I looked in the mirror and felt two conflicting things at the same time. First I felt beautiful, I smiled at myself and was proud that I had chosen to do this. And then secondly, the self-criticism came in like a ass**** telling me how I looked fat. But self-hate wasn’t driving today, my true self was.
So, I breathed and walked out, resolving myself “to just do this” and be as present in the moment as possible. The photographer encouraged me, showed me the first pose and we got to it. Throughout the shoot I tried to have fun with it, take each directed pose and breathe. As someone who often feels awakward getting my photo taken, I had a blast!
A few hours later I was tired, but also kind of giddy, a natural high and I could not wait to see the photographs! When I got out to the car (my husband was picking me up) I was a bundle of excitement and felt sexy as hell!
Have you ever been interested in a boudoir shoot? Having a professional photographer take classy and sexy photos of you in a studio, with professional hair, makeup, and wardrobe?
Beyond the sexy selfies you take in your undies (no shame there), a boudoir shoot elevates the experience. It also helps you get into those beautiful positions with the guidance and artistic eye of a professional. An additional bonus is the beautiful album you can choose to receive. (At the end of this post I briefly talk about how the physical album in my hands had a greater impact than the digital files I received.)
Another side of a boudoir shoot is to decided if you want to stay in lingerie or also get nude. This is an empowering decision which requires you to do what feels the most uplifting to you. It is your choice!
I have wanted to do a boudoir shoot for years but always came up with excuses. “I am not happy with my body”, “Maybe when I look skinnier and drop a few pounds”, “It’s too expensive and I should be spending my money elsewhere now”, “What if someone sees the photos!”, “I think I’ll look silly, I’m not sexy like that”. These are just some of what I said to myself. Does any of that sound familiar??
Ultimately, I decided to do it because the whole thing scared me and challenged how I felt about my body. It challenged my self-image, the one that was built on abuse, on shame, and on insecurity. The one that I built up around myself to protect myself from being hurt again. It challenged me out of hiding. This is something I have been slowly growing accustomed to over the years, being comfortable with being seen.
Yes, I can take pictures of myself, but I wanted to see myself in the light of an unapologetic, confident, and sensually forward person. I knew I would never have the ideal body that is preferred in the modeling world, and I also knew that I was going to look back at these pictures 30 years from now and have an ear-to-ear grin because of how f******* beautiful and sexy I was.
I did it because I did not want to hide from myself anymore.
In a previous post, I wrote about how exploring your power builds self-worth. If you’re looking to build self-worth, self-love, and confidence, a boudoir shoot may be just the thing to try.
“What can happen when you begin to push the limits of your power, when you begin to expand what you think you can do and what feels right to you, is that you begin to take back your power and step into your true self. When you are doing this from an authentic place it can be incredibly healing and can help build up your self-worth.”
So, if this is something you have been interested in, here are some tips I learned while exploring boudoir shoots and a recounting of my experience!
What is your reason for wanting to do a boudoir photoshoot?
First off, I feel it is most important to look at why you are curious about doing something like this. Is it for you? Or is it for someone else? Some people do boudoir shoots as a gift to their partner, and there is nothing wrong with that, if it also feels good for them and their relationship. Ultimately, knowing if the boudoir shoot is something that feels energetically uplifting to you is the main point here.
Self-love is a skill most of us are not taught. It can be easier to do things for other people than it is to do something purely for ourselves just because it feels good. If you are considering a boudoir shoot, do some reflection on the reasons why you want to do one. For me, it was to build self-acceptance and challenge myself to appreciate and love my body more.
2. Look into multiple photographers to get a sense of their style, attitude, and your interest in their work.
Not all photographers do the same work. Choosing one that fits you is important. For example, would you be more comfortable with a male or female photographer, does that even matter to you? Or, is working with someone who identifies as gender neutral or has experience working with people of other gender identities important to you? How about diversity in body types? Do you like the style of their photos?
Choosing a photographer that has the style of work you are most drawn to is important to creating the best experience possible. Look at their work, testimonials, if they have social media see how they interact with clients, and even talk to them in person or over the phone to get a sense if it is the right fit!
Many offer packages that include hair, make-up, and a wardrobe to pick from. This may be an extra cost, but it lifts some of the weight of trying to do all that preparation before your shoot. Plus, it can be super fun to get pampered that way!
Another important note about this is that you are looking for legitimate photographers. Safety is important so you want to know that the person has a real business, a professional space/studio and that your photos are not being shared with anyone without your consent. There are numerous amateur photographers out there, many of whom are willing to take nude photos, but a boudoir shoot isn’t about porn. It’s about empowerment!
3. The days before your shoot, practice some self-care work
Take some time the days before your shoot to give yourself some real self-love and self-care, however, that looks for you. Recognizing that no matter what flaws you see in yourself, there is equal and more to be loved and admired.
My top practices include a long, warm bath with candles and exfoliation. Some mindful, embodied movement or ecstatic dance to move the body and move out stuck emotions. Then start taking care of those little extras gradually like exfoliating the feet, trimming hair, and moisturizing the whole body.
4. Preparation
Your photographer will likely have a checklist or prep steps but here is what I found helpful. First, make sure your family and anyone else you have responsibilities with knows you will be unavailable for the couple hours of your shoot (they don’t have to know the reason why!) This is your time, and not the place to be thinking about chores, kiddos, or work.
Do some stretching beforehand to loosen your body up and let your muscles relax, you’ll need it!
Moisturize, moisturize, and moisturize (everywhere, whole body). Including drinking that water.
Eat a good breakfast beforehand, something that won’t leave you heavy and overly full but still energizes you. It’s hard work posing like that!
Take a few moments to breathe, center into your body and smile at yourself. How does it feel to be embodied?!
This is not me, but I love how it shows presence and self-love.
For me, it was really important to work with a female photographer and have the shoot really be about self-love, acceptance, and confidence (and not about it being a porn style shoot). I wanted elegance. The days before the shoot I started to struggle with some self-doubts and judgments. (Like why I didn’t exercise more to lose a few pounds?). And I had to remind myself why I was doing this, why it was important for me to be myself, accepting of my body as it is now.
I thought to myself, if I am so afraid of what I look like (or what I don’t look like), what is that doing to my energetic well-being? I observed the thought patterns returning, and what I was able to do now, with the healing work I have done, was let them go with love.
So, for the teenage me that hid in baggy clothes, always ashamed and embarrassed. This was for you.
For the adult me, that struggles with my weight and accepting the changes in my body, this is for you.
And for the future me, who will look back at this experience and these photos, I know you’re gonna smile big.
With love,
Ash
ADDITION: When I received my printed album, I was absolutely stunned at the beauty of it. I had tears in my eyes, looking through the luxuriously designed pages of myself. During the initial reveal when I saw the digital photos and had to choose which ones to get printed, I was excited and so happy with the results, but it wasn’t until I had them in physical form that it truly sank in.
I felt so grateful for this gift that I had made for myself. I felt honored, seen, and powerful. It was a different feeling than a photo on a camera, it felt like a gift of worship to myself, as I am, seen, glowing and in celebration.
Working with our discomfort can bring upon beautiful healing transformation, if open to it.
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