Disrupting the Binary: What We All Can Learn From Gender Nonconformity
Photo of Ilona Verley by Fernando Cysneiros
In honor of both Pride Month and National Indigenous History Month in Canada, I share this post about the wisdom of gender fluidity in many Indigenous cultures, including Two-Spirit people in some North American Indigenous cultures.
Gender fluidity and other diverse gender expressions have existed since the beginning of human history. Some indigenous cultures recognize up to 8 or more gender types, while others believe that a person can transform into another gender. Sometimes, this transformation may only occur temporarily, but others recognize that the body one was born in may not fully represent their spirit and accept the fluidity to move between genders and roles. For many, this opens up a whole new world of creative and spiritual freedom.
It’s wise and helpful to know that sex and gender are two different things. In many places, at birth, people are assigned a sex of either male or female based on what genitals are visible when they are born. However, there are also those that are born intersex, meaning they do not fit either sex category. When this happens, these babies are often surgically altered to be one or the other before they have grown and decided for themselves who they are.
Gender is the social construct and perception of one’s identity and/or outward expression. Interestingly, many people have been conditioned by culture, society, or religion to mistakenly see sex (typically the physical or reproductive attributes of a person) as gender. We have confused the two and created a restrictive box for ourselves and others. Gender has nothing to do with the sexual anatomy of a person, who we find sexually attractive, or the male and female binary. It does have everything to do with how we see ourselves and how we innately feel inside our body.
Gender = a fluid and diverse range of identities often connected to the spiritual, emotional, and physical sense of self
Olaf Hajek
At the times we are living in, there are great changes and shifts happening regarding what is an “acceptable” gender identity. In some areas of the world, identifying as anything outside of the accepted male or female sex is still illegal and punishable by law. Whereas other parts of the world are experiencing a more open and inclusive conversation, as society is learning how to accept and live with a more fulsome representation of identities, if not already accepting and encouraging of them.
In some North American Indigenous cultures, there is a concept of a third gender called “Two-Spirit”. This identity is a recognition and respect of a person born with both masculine and feminine gender expressions, knowing that these people have gifts and wisdom to share with the people. They are traditionally seen as having sacred medicine gifts that are important for the tribe or culture to heal, grow and experience what the Creator has expressed in this life. Often, they are given special roles, such as ceremony and knowledge keepers or storytellers.
Unfortunately, many of these teachings and inherent wisdom were largely shut down as colonization spread across North America. Beginning in the 1800s and becoming mandatory in 1920, under violently enforced law, Indigenous cultures were forced to stop practicing ceremonies and stop sharing traditional wisdom and knowledge; they were subsequently persecuted when they continued. They were forced into assimilating the beliefs and practices of the religion or church that operated residential schools, or that the government mandated by law. Children were forced to take on the roles and practices of the Anglican, Presbyterian, United, Methodist and Roman Catholic churches, which often included heavily defined roles and expectations for males and females, with no flexibility between them. Sexual, physical, and psychological abuse were common practices in these schools as a tactic to teach the children how to assimilate properly.
Now, in some Indigenous cultures of North America, elders, knowledge keepers and youth are reclaiming the belief in Two-Spirit identity, while undoing the damage of colonization. Gender fluidity is recognized in many Indigenous cultures around the world; it is expressed in various ways and with different names that are sacred to each specific culture. Sexual preferences are not necessarily a factor or precursor to the discovery of these identities either. This concept of gender fluidity can be found in history going back to Ancient Egypt and the Mayan empire; it is also present in various folklore about gods and goddesses transforming their sex or changing their gender expression as needed.
Kent Monkman
In Samoan culture specifically, there is a belief in four genders. When someone does not resonate with their sex or expresses qualities of the presumed opposite sex, they are encouraged to follow their preference. Their identity can fluidly move between genders, and they are often seen as teachers of sexuality in the community, transcending the male and female taboos of discussing sex together. Each person’s sexual orientation is also unique and individualized, which is important to note as we tend to confuse gender expression and assigned sex with sexual preference. Many of the western stereotypes regarding homosexuality or transgender qualities do not exist in Samoan culture as each person is respected for their unique being and what they have to offer. Even as men and women perform traditional roles, children are encouraged to grow into their gifts and personalities which can include living outside of gender conformity if that aligns with their path.
So, why is this important?
Humanity has a choice to evolve and move towards our great potential for a truly joyful and balanced existence. When we ask ourselves, “What is my deepest hope for myself, my family, and my friends?” I would be willing to bet that most would answer something along the lines of “safety, happiness, abundance, and good health.” By adhering to a limiting belief in the binary, staunch gender roles, and expected behavior in terms of dress, looks, mannerisms and personal expression, we deprive ourselves of experiencing life in full.
Each person knows what is true to them; the point here is not to say that everyone should now declare themselves non-binary or gender nonconforming. Instead, we can declare to ourselves and the world that we accept and appreciate the beauty of each person AND their desire to grow and experience life in authenticity and safety. Just as we ourselves would want to be safe to live authentically, while being afforded the space, grace, and autonomy to explore what that means uniquely to each of us.
Understanding and opening our hearts and minds to the resources within us all to be strong and nurturing, soft and resilient — whether we are masculine, feminine, or all of the above — allows us to be more authentic and opens the possibilities of what we can experience in this life. From a spiritual aspect, gender nonconformity reminds us that we are connected to something bigger, that the soul within us is wiser than we know and has the potential to live and love freely.