How I Learned to Stop Hating My Period

Do you want to hear how I learned to stop hating my period and how I started to appreciate it? Read on here, and it get’s pretty personal!

Things get personal in this post!

I started bleeding around 11 or 12 years old. I was the only girl in my class (that I knew of). I was humiliated, felt weird and knew that something had changed, but didn’t really understand what. I remembered my mom giving me some tampons and explaining how to use them, plus I had the handy dandy foldout graphic from the box. I went into the bathroom and tried to figure out what I was supposed to do with the thing…

It didn’t go too well as somehow; let’s just say it was decided that pads would be a better way to go. Like many can probably relate to, it felt gross, like a diaper and I was super self-conscious about it. In my teenage years I especially dreaded it during gym class. I remember feeling tired and crampy and asking the gym teacher, another female, if I could sit it out and her response was “running will help with the cramps”. That’s it, no empathy, nothing, just bear it, push through it, and go running. (More on societies stereotypes on menstruation later!).

Fast forward to young adulthood, I was living with it as a thing I had no choice about. I ignored it as much a possible, seeing it as a burden that got in the way. I was lucky that those early years I had it pretty easy regarding symptoms, but I didn’t get it. It had never occurred to me, nor was I taught, that the menstrual cycle could connect me to the Earth, to my femininity, support my natural system of cleansing or have magic in it. As I started to learn and grow in my interest in wellness, I decided to go off the pill and get an IUD inserted. I chose the copper one as it doesn’t contain hormones and was warned it could cause heavier bleeding but thought it was a better choice for me.

Damn, heavy bleeding was right. I went from having manageable cycles to bleeding so much that I would soak through a pad or tampon multiple times a day. I remember being in a work meeting for 2 hours (ONLY 2 hours) and by the end of it I knew, I had leaked. I couldn’t get out of my seat, I was horrified. I waited until everyone left and then got up to see and sure enough, it had gone through the tampon I had put in right before the meeting, through my pants and onto the chair.

I cleaned everything up, wrapped a sweater around my waste and left wondering how I was supposed to go on this way. I was trying to do something good for my body, remove excess hormones and chemicals and I got this instead. It was so bad I barely left the house on my period unless I had to, mainly for work. So eventually I decided to switch to the Mirena IUD, to stop the heavy bleeding, give into the use of synthetic hormones and still have birth control.

This image sparked controversy and was removed from social media. Rupi Kaur wanted to show something that is oh so familiar for many.

This blew open a new gate of issues. I wasn’t over bleeding anymore, but I was in pain. All the time. I had discomfort whether I was on my menstrual cycle or not, during sex even. I went to the doctor more than once and every time I was told I was healthy; they couldn’t find anything wrong. It didn’t make sense. Eventually I had an intra-vaginal ultrasound done. Not pleasant, but I was sure something wasn’t right.

Results came back that I was fine, there was nothing wrong. I remembered being so confused. Confused with myself, why was I feeling pain and discomfort when the doctors were telling me they could find nothing. I always believed I had good intuition, and yet, I was being proven wrong. Eventually, I decided, against my doctor’s advice, to get the IUD removed and go off birth control completely and manage it naturally. I was lucky that my partner was fully supportive of this and agreed to help me ensure we did it responsibly as we were not planning on having children.

All the pain and discomfort went away! Things changed, I felt good. But I was still confused about why my body had lied to me. Fast forward again about 5 years.

Almost suddenly, I started getting the pain and discomfort again. The warnings went off, this isn’t right, something is going on. I was in a good place, I was learning more about my body, my spiritual connection to my womb. My sexuality and ability to enjoy pleasure was better than it had ever been in my entire life. My world turned upside down as right when I was feeling as strong as I ever had, like a Goddess and empowered, I started bleeding spontaneously, would get my menstruation randomly and even for 2 weeks at a time and sex was uncomfortable. I went back to the doctor and had another inter-vaginal ultrasound.

This time, they found something, endometriomas, which are cysts that are normally caused by endometriosis. I was heartbroken. I was told, there is nothing I could do about it, except take pain killers and maybe get surgery if they got bad enough. I started researching everything, I wanted to know the how and the why this happened and how I could heal it.

I also requested my health records, as I pieced everything together and found out that 5 years ago, when I had similar pain and discomfort, the ultrasound had found small endometrial cysts.

It was a moment of truth I had to face, I wasn’t leaving anything for myself and instead was giving it all away.

Que mind blown! An incensed fury and validation. I knew it! I had known something was up and had been mistakenly told they found nothing. This is another topic for another time, but I wanted to know how this happened now. Why now? When I felt so good, did these symptoms arise again? This was a dark time for me. I connected the dots of how the extreme stress I had been under from working and going to school full time for 2 years had burnt me out and depleted me. After finishing the program, I could finally breathe but instead I continued to push myself, trying to exercise daily and be a wife, friend, daughter and look for a second job. I was feeling so dissatisfied with my job I couldn’t sleep and often had severe stomach pain. I was searching in the wrong places for meaning and purpose and feeling lost in a waterless sea. It was a moment of truth I had to face, I wasn’t leaving anything for myself and instead was giving it all away.

I started to look into the cyclical teachings of menstruation, natural ways to regulate hormones (Seed cycling, you are awesome), and eventually found vaginal steaming. I started steaming as a way to reduce the pain and hopefully shrink the things growing inside me.

It wasn’t just the steaming that helped (though it’s been monumental in both my physical and spiritual healing), I was also learning about my womb and facing my shadows and healing past negative experiences with my body, sex, and trauma. I learned so much about womb and cycle care that I was never taught. I learned to appreciate my menstruation as a time of healing and cleansing. How I was lucky to have this internally built-in system that allowed me time to release and remove what was no longer needed. My mindset was changed. It was through this acceptance of my cycle, as not something to be annoyed about every month but instead as a gift. Yes, I said gift. All I have to do, is let it do what it was designed to.

Now I rest when I feel tired, I don’t push myself to exercise but instead go for a walk if I feel like it. I take time to cuddle with my husband and cats while watching a movie and snacking on my favorite foods, drink tea and generally let my body use the energy it needs to in order to cleanse properly. And hey, did you know in some cultures it was traditional for women to gather together when they bled, to rest, support each other and encourage the younger women to take time for their needs? We still have that sisterhood today, but it has been replaced with depreciating humor and an excuse to binge eat and cry. We don’t need an excuse to cry, enjoy our food or talk to our friends about the crime scene in our pants (lol).

The past few years have seen a rise in period equity and the de-stigmatization of menstruation. Companies like the PadProject are supporting access and education around the world, while some articles written have highlighted the move towards no more shame like this one here.

I share all of this to show the journey and express that you are not alone. In many cases, the women who raised us were not taught to take care of themselves during their cycles either. Society tells us to be strong, that PMS is weak and that our menstruation shouldn’t hold us back. Well, we are strong, and it’s true, it should not hold us back. But hating our periods isn’t the way to go. We can still be strong if we choose to rest, we can still be empowered and active if we choose to make space for our needs.

In fact, I would argue we are more empowered that way.

Do you feel like this type of healing would benefit you? We can work together to explore your history and rewrite your present day, take a look at what womb coaching or spiritual guidance support can do here.

Alternatively, I have created an accessible guide for those that want to work on their own, my Foundations of Womb Care Guide goes through many of the tools I have used to heal my womb, my energy body and experience more authentic power and confidence then ever before!