How To Connect With Your Ancestors…Even If You Don’t Know Who They Are
Unless ancestral respect is part of your culture or religion, it can seem like a very vague practice. In our daily modern lives there hasn’t been much room for honoring the past.
As someone who grew up with a small, disconnected family, and with half my lineage relatively unknown to me, ancestors were this magical entity that I saw in movies and longed to have a connection with. I have heard from many people, especially white women, that they don’t know how to connect to their ancestors, or even who they were. I hear you; this article isn’t about shame.
I bet you are curious about them, wonder about them, long for some connection to your lineage. Or maybe, like me, you wish to understand where your roots came from, what power lies within them, and to understand the complex tapestry of your upbringing.
What I have learned in my spiritual journey and over my short time in shamanic medicine is that our ancestors are with us, even if we don’t feel them or know them. Many of them are encouraging us to grow beyond the pain and trauma within our family lineage carried throughout generations. Think of them as part of your Spirit Guide team and they are waiting for you to tune in.
In some cultures, honoring your ancestors is an integral part of the belief system. Offerings to an altar space in the form of food, incense, flowers or belongings and regular prayers is important. In China, a yearly festival called the Ghost Festival gives offerings to deceased relatives and ancestors in the form of meals, incense, photographs, and special ancestral tablets. This festival is over 2,000 years old! There are many cultures with similar festivals or yearly rites. In some indigenous cultures of North America, sacred fires will be lit to honor a relative, especially when they are passing and becoming an ancestor in the spirit realm. This will also often include a special ceremony with a spiritual leader or medicine person, offerings of tobacco or cloth, for example and signify a connection to Spirit and the lineage in a family. Afterwards there may be a yearly ceremony that includes sacred ceremonies, dance, and feasts to honor the ancestors and provide teachings or remembrance of the wisdom that they hold. Customs vary amongst group and are often sacred and reserved for a specific tribe or area. This is seen all over the world and is important to mention as these practices are holy and should not be appropriated.
As many cultures believe that deceased relatives and ancestors can affect the living, it is seen as important to honor, remember and provide offerings to them often to show respect for their presence and power. Now, if you do not have traditional practices, you were raised on, there are still many ways you can show respect to your ancestors and foster connection. This can help give a better sense of where you come from, what trauma or events may have impacted your family of lineage and open the channels for deeper spiritual practice and areas where you may feel lost or that you are missing pieces about your origins or identity.
One way to do this is to ask your relatives about their own memories of their relatives. Ask to see photographs, hear stories, or learn details about where they came from. Most people have family members that travelled or immigrated from another place. This is a good way to gain a fuller picture of who you are. Sometimes, the details might be disappointing or difficult, say for example you had a relative that was a slave owner. But knowing this can help set intentions in your ancestral work.
For example, I have two sides in my lineage. One is the German side that immigrated to Siberia and then to North and South Dakota to escape repressive religions and governments, eventually ending up in Canada. On the other side, my relatives were a mix of Metis, Cree, Blackfoot, and Iroquois, who undoubtedly lived through the enforcement of residential schools and the Canadian governments attempt at wiping out indigenous culture, leaving a scattering of people across the country! I am still collecting information on both sides of my family and what they experienced over time as they were either forced to or chose to move across the globe.
I use this information to better understand where I come from, but also to understand how my spiritual work honors them. By acknowledging what they experienced and how I, as the new generation have the opportunity to change that, reclaim my families’ stories and offer healing down the lineage line.
This brings me to altar spaces in your home. This can be a really nice way to show you are thinking of your ancestors and want to honor them. It doesn’t have to be big or elaborate, but it should be in a clean space and taken care of regularly. Some ideas are a picture of your family or family members, heirlooms or belongings passed down, or even a nice candle with a handwritten note by you. This works well if you don’t know much about your family and don’t have any of their belongings passed down to you. The letter should be written with care and express your intent to honor and connect with them, along with anything else you feel called to express. Make sure to clean it often and add or remove items as you grow into the practice. You can even add fruit or flowers to it. Remembering that this altar space is not a dumping ground for junk mail, your cellphone or any items that don’t belong on it.
I created my altar space from my grandmother’s jewelry boxes, a candle and a letter to those that I do not know but want to acknowledge. In my letter I express my intention to honor them, even if I do not know all their names or faces. I acknowledge their blood and energy that is still living through me. The photo of my mother, grandmother, great grandmother and myself as a baby is one of my favourite photos! 4 generations of strong women.
Another way is by doing intentional ancestral healing work with a medicine person, energy worker or psychologist. This may be more in-depth and should be undertaken with care. Through this work and depending on the practitioner or spiritual belief of the person, certain ceremonies, drum journeys, energetic work or constellation work will be done to provide healing within yourself and across your lineage, repair relationships and release harmful patterns or energetics. There are many shamanic, earth-based medicine practices and healers who have been trained and given permission to practice the medicine work by performing rituals and cleansing which recognize the whole being, (body, mind and spirit) as needing balance and use ancestral work as part of that balance. Choosing this deeper work should be done with respect and with an understanding that it can have effects on your mental and emotional experience.
Some other ways to connect with your ancestors, whether you know who they were or not are:
to visit places, you know they inhabited or came from. If it is in the budget, it can help you to learn some of the culture of their homeland and history that may have impacted their lives as well as yours
watch documentaries or read books about the history of where your family came from, again this helps you to understand their experiences and challenges, and offers some insight into what you may be carrying or what has been passed down to you through generations
make peace and amends with harmful ancestors that colonized, traumatized, or enslaved other races or nationalities. This could be in the form of donating or participating in culturally appropriate events, learning about the people they harmed or stole land and resources from, and educating your own children on this history so they learn to acknowledge the past and are more ethical in their future
try dreaming practices to see if any messages or insights come through. You can go to bed with a clear intention as you fall asleep like “I intend to learn about my ancestors”. When you wake note anything different than your usual dreams, keep trying, as dream work can take time to develop
journal, create art or meditate on your family and lineage. Keep yourself open to whatever catches your eye in images, comes out in your words, or messages that arise and trust that it is meant for you, straight from your ancestors