How Womb Healing Shifted My Identity

Spolier: It catalyzed a shift in how I view myself and taught me about re-birthing myself as many times as I want!

I never felt like I was a woman. Even in my 20s and going into my thirties, I felt like a girl. Trapped in the sense of still being a teenager. Part of me felt ashamed of it and confused. What did it take to feel like a woman? I concluded that it must be something that happens after having a child. After all, so much of a woman’s identity is tied into being a mother. But this thought bothered me. I was more than that. More than a female body designed to bear children.

How did you know you felt like a woman, or what does womanhood mean to you?

There is no disrespect meant to mothers here, or any identity that is built on motherhood. In this life, we wade through it all to build who we are, and who we want to be. For me, I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. As a young girl I dreamt of exploring the world, visiting ancient places, and having magical experiences. I never dreamt of a wedding or being a mother or having a family. I spent my days immersed in tv, fantasy books and nature because it was like visiting other realities and lifetimes, places where possibilities existed beyond what I had in this lifetime.

Do you remember what you used to dream about as a child? What did your heart and soul yearn to experience?

Over the years, everyone told me I would change my mind, that “all women want children”. I heard this from family, from men, from society at large. As I learned that the world had an expectation of me that I was not living up to, it turned into a rebellion. What was once just a simple fact for me, became something I had to justify, defend, and protect, the older I got. It became a source of pain and deep anger and resentment that I carried within my body, even to the point of feeling resentment towards my own body. For having been born a woman and therefore biologically built to bear children, with hormones that cycled in order to make me want to find a mate at peak times of fertility. I hated this, and this leaked into many areas of my being, my menstrual cycle, my relationships with men and my self-worth as a whole.

The concept of my womb being an energetic, creative power source wasn’t something I had even heard of.

I do not know how many will relate to this. It is not meant to be a criticism of anyone that wants a family. I share this to explain the part of the story behind what happened during my months of womb healing. Something I had not envisioned, because I had not connected this constant fight within myself to a need for womb healing. Here is what I did know:

• I knew I was craving sisterhood and connection with other women

• I knew I wanted ritual that honored my womanhood, my divine femininity and my place in the universe

• I had real mistrust and anger towards people from the trauma and abuse of my childhood and unhealthy relationships in my later years

• I knew that as soon as I heard the word womb, I envisioned pregnant women and felt that I was not fit for a place in this honored group

I wanted to explore all of this. And I could not accept that my level of worth was tied into one thing. That my body had one purpose. I knew there had to be more. There was a calling beyond what I could explain, so I jumped in and rode the ripples of change. Enter Womb Healing.

Where it really started to change

I began to have irregular issues with my menstrual cycle and reproductive system and was entering into a period of deep depression as many of my old wounds around self-worth challenged me intensely. At the time I couldn’t have understood but I was beginning a journey that would transform my life and my identity.

I wrote about my journey towards not hating my period here and about how I manage my endometriosis here.

I found a Womb Coaching program with the Institute of Shamanic Medicine and decided to dive right in. It was a 6- month program where we would dive into the trauma and energetics that disempower women, the loss of ritual and sisterhood, and how our wombs hold infinite power to heal, create, and birth. It was a slow process at first, I was terrified of revealing myself with other women, showing my heart and my vulnerability. Yet as I sunk into the group, I felt such joy. Deep healing began and so much was uncovered about how and where I was holding years of resentment and insecurity within myself.  One part of the womb work was learning to accept the power I had, and then knowing I could consciously decide what I wanted to do with it. That while yes, my womb could create life, it could also help me create and birth my dreams, and even more surprising, re-birth myself! This learning catalyzed a big shift in my being. Lifting years of shame, anger, and resentment.

Let me say this again. Our wombs can birth whatever we want, including re-birthing ourselves as we evolve and change and heal!

The knowing that at the center of our physical body is an energetic link to the universe we can access at any time was bewildering and beautiful to me. Hearing it was one thing but feeling it and knowing it was another. Going through the process of clearing my womb space of energetics, burdens, and stored trauma, revealing the wounds so they could be acknowledged and released made space for me to hear the wisdom being communicated to me. Sometimes very painful and other times exhilarating, I saw the change in my daily life in how I viewed myself and how I wanted to show up in the world.

What I was surprised to feel, was my sense of womanhood being born from this work. I began to feel like I understood it and in that, I could dis-entangle my shame of not being a mother and therefore not fitting into the ideal of a woman. I was so deeply touched by the recognition that my womb space could gestate and re-birth myself many times over, that I finally felt like I had claimed my presence and purpose. It was always there, but I couldn’t see it through the weeds of my belief systems and pressures, or the physical symptoms I was having. This opened up an entire world of possibilities in what I could do, what kind of life I could have, and what kind of connection and power I could experience. Limitless in its opportunity.

Forgiveness for what others had done, and forgiveness for myself happened tangibly, as my womb spoke to me what I needed.

Time and time again, what became revealed to me as I worked within my womb was a potent recognition of the fact that I was not a victim, and I had the ability to be what I wanted to be at any given time. And, importantly that it was not selfish for me to desire this.

I touch on the effect womb healing has had on my trauma and abuse only briefly, as ultimately what happened for me was a reclamation of self, my power, and my womanhood. All the energy held within the physical confines of my body could be used to birth myself into becoming the human being I am meant to become AND may become as the possibilities are limitless. My highest potential, always learning through the spiral of healing, evolution, growth and re-birth came from womb healing.

If you feel this journey is for you, contact me to talk about your read herewomb healing sessions.

Curious to learn more about choosing to have children or not? Many studies are coming out indicating women are choosing to hold off on having children, read here for an example.